Unconditional Happiness

The Tale of a Modern Mystic

Monday 21-Oct-2003

There is no I

There is only WE

There is no WE

There is only I

Yesterday was Simchat Torah, 5764. Outside, blissed out, light, scents, air, the air was like breath, inhale cool against my face, then from behind warm, exhale. Birds singing, playing, being seen. Walking down the newly formed creek bed, my reflection on solitude. There is never 'I' alone, there is an entourage of angles, light beings, teachers, guides, etc., so there is never a lonely 'I' there is never being alone. There is only 'We' this entourage. Only the 'We' all exist in Form, the only eternal real existence is ONE, the Divine, which is everything. There is only 'I'.

Wednesday 04-Jun-2003

Morning, mom's having her operation. I'm keeping focused, reading Ron Roth's book on prayer and healing, listening to soundscapes on satellite TV, incense burning, 7 day candle still burning. My home is a temple filled with light beings.

Focusing on the operation, it's such a display of light. Angels guiding and supporting mom, angels and cords of light from the divine going to each of the people in the operation room, guiding the surgeons, nurses, and support staff, it's light with more light, scanning into the waiting room with my brother and relatives, more light, all of their angels supporting them. It's light upon light, brilliant.

Do some remote reconnection work, being aware of the energy moving between my hands, then entering the operating room, opps... don't come to me, stay, stay with your body, stay in form, this is heaven, there is much to love here, much to experience here. I take a place hovering in the back, sitting like little Buddha.

Back, doing some reading, question gets asked to me about using the exterior colon bag, (it was part of the surgeons game plan last night). Question pops in, out of the middle of nowhere, just like when the question popped in before asking if it would be OK is someone hit me while I was on my bike.

I answer mom would like everything to be working, to find the blockage remove it, have all the organs working including the intestines and colon, to not need the external colon bag, to clear away the cancer and return to full health.

I'm back.

More reading, Ron Roth is wonderful. Phone rings, it's my bro. Mom is in recovery, operation went great, best case scenario, they were able to remove the bowel obstruction of her colon, she doesn't need the external colon bag, we'll hear more in a few hours.

Thank you Goddess, thank you Goddess, thank you, thank you thank you Goddess. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Tuesday 03-Jun-2003

Well, mom's at Mayo clinic, operation is tomorrow morning. I wish she was here right now. I'm still feeling divine joy flowing from my heart, spreading over my face in a constant series of smiles.

Feeling bit distant, a bit melancholy. It's like being some kind of confection with a white fluffy scrumptious inside, a cookie crust and dark chocolate coating.

As always when I focus on my body or inside my body I fly into rapture.

Been listening to really mellow music, when I focus on the music I feel the distancing, the feeling of being alone, separate, the abyss. Seems like I'll be changing the music. Way deep I can feel little Sandy, the pure form without connection to the comfort of the rest of the consciousness, ready to burst into tears, crying for her mother, frightened, beyond being comforted.

Think I'll take care of eating, do some angel work with little Sandy, and check out Ron Roth's book on prayer.

I know that the G-ddess/G-d has her attention on mom's healing, that her angels are there assisting and the divine light beings are helping along with the Divine. Mom is very good friends with him.

Monday 02-Jun-2003

Morning, all caffeine, no food. Dropped into sadness. Calling airlines, getting everything together in case I need to fly. Scoped ticket strategy, ground transportation, cat sitters. Sadness over relatively quickly. High degree of love and joy coming through. I'm experiencing so much love and ecstasy it's making me light headed and swooning. Love love love, I love you, love you, love you. Back and forth, me and the Goddess. The ecstasy is really intense.

Sunday 03-Jun-2003

I'm planning on going to the Renaissance festival today. I'm having a gentle morning mom's rush back to the hospital last night was intense. I'll call and check in after coffee, food, bath.

In the tub I'm listening to pain bodies tossing scary negative phrases at me, suggesting there will be inconsolable pain in the future.

Suddenly I hear: "Pain is temporary".

Buddha is saying -
"When focused in ego - happiness is temporary."
"When focused in eternity - pain is temporary."

Mom calls. Luther Hospital is moving her to Rochester Mayo. Mom said based on the cat scans the cancer is back and all through her bowels. Originally they thought the bowel obstruction was from the previous surgery. Mom is totally depressed and frightened. She gives me those 'last words' the one speech I have never wanted to hear. I tell her everything is going to be great, to have no fear, she is totally taken care of, that she is going to be well, have a fast recovery and the doctors will all be calling it miraculous.

Fear is constriction and separation from the divine. The one thing I want her out of immediately is fear.

After hanging up I'm thinking what can I do? I have already done a distance reconnection healing on her, asked and thanked the Goddess for healing her, asked the angels to assist in healing and protection.

There's a couple of phrases that come through my head over and over in mantra form, one that pops in my head now is: "My will is your will, your will is my will, my love is your love, your love is my love, my word is your word, your word is my word." I get fed an interpretation on 'my love is your love, your love is my love', I love my mother, the Divine loves my mother. It's all going to be great. Mom's going to be great.

Next thought, call Renee and have her do a distance Reconnection Healing on mom. Haven't spoken to Renee since November when she did my Reconnection. Get her on the phone, my heart burst open with love, she said she get to work right then, she already felt a pressure behind her navel and asked about the bowel obstruction. Made out the check right then and mailed it.

Sat down and started a distance reconnection. I'm focusing on the energy and on the flow of divine love flowing constantly through me. It's total rapture. I'm amping up the love in the mix.

Now, whether or not to go to the Festival. My intention to go was very close to a promise. Seems like not going is like a negation of the divine. My job is to be the Chariot of Heaven, to stay connected to my soul, to the divine, to reveal heaven. Maybe others would stay home, I trust in the divine. Also, not to be cold, but if something horrible happens, I need to continue to do my job. As the tour guide for the goddess I think she would best be served by exploring the Festival.

The festival rocked. :) Amazingly met Elise there while leaving, a dance anthropologist, and was able to have a stimulating conversation on the event with her.

The Goddess bought me oils and a beautiful glass bottle, meat on a stick, a soda, had me attend a joust participating by being a part of a cheering crowd, showed me a number of armored fight styles, saw colorful outfits, the pines, sky, earth, and joy. I'm so in love, I'm so grateful.